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What is a parenting coach? Will it help my family?

positive parenting Apr 21, 2023

A certified parenting coach specializes in improving the parent-child relationship through teaching methods and techniques while coaching parents to take action. 

When they bring a baby home, parents often ask, "Where is the manual?" Usually, it doesn't matter how much time you spend with kids; when a child is living with you, it seems like there should be an operating manual because it shouldn't be this hard. 

As a parent coach, I teach the C.L.E.A.R. method and guide you to understand where you are in control. I am a parent coach, not a child whisperer. 

I coach parents who have decided that bribes, threats, time-outs, and spankings do not work. 

Do you know how many one-on-one relationships are in a family of four? SIX different relationships in one household. That number increases exponentially as you add members. 

When you decide to hire a parenting coach, you bring outside perspectives and methods to navigate any relationship. We are all humans that are looking for significance and belonging. 

Yes, a parenting coach will help your family. If you choose to take action and make mistakes and try it again, study a little more and take action again. 

There is no special pill, relationship building can not be hired out, but a parenting coach can support you in growing healthy relationships within your home. 

 

Key Takeaways


  • A parenting coach is there to support the parent in learning new tools for themself in high-stress situations.
  • A trusted parenting coach is a judgment-free zone. There is no such thing as a bad parent, just bad parenting tools or technics.
  • When you do the work, the work works. 
  • You may or may not be ready for a parenting coach. 
  • Why I am a parenting coach and what you can expect of me.

 

What is the role of a parenting coach?

The role of a parenting coach is to help parents assess the tools they use with their children and improve or create new tools to navigate daily life that comes with both happy times and stressful times. 

A parent coach is a personal trainer for your relationships. A personal trainer can not perform the workout for you, but they can watch and see how you could do an exercise differently to get the results you want from your body efficiently. 

Like a personal trainer, I can not build your relationship with your kids. I am here to teach and coach you to implement the method. I am also here to cheer you on in all your wins. 

In my program, we define a win as the smallest action or thought that brings us closer to our ultimate goal: a safe and secure relationship with ourselves & family members. 

For example, a celebrated win could be a parent stopping themselves from going down the internal mental negative spiral after yelling at their children to put their shoes on. 

"Children do better when they feel better." - Jane Nelson

As a parent-focused parenting coach, I say parents do better when they feel better. 

In every family, the parents create their family manual. The question becomes, has it been intentionally created or allowed to be created haphazardly? As time goes on and kids become older, it becomes more challenging to change your manual. 

As a parenting coach, I become your expert on what works and doesn't with the big picture as you create the details. I have read the books and gone to the seminars and classes and have the experience to help guide you. 

You might have read a few or many books about childhood development and family relationships, but have you acted on the advice given? When you did act on it, did it work once or twice? When that third time didn't work, did you give up? 

That is when a parent coach can be your sounding board, and you can continue the work with the confidence that you are working towards a secure and healthy relationship.

I become a part of your support network!

What makes a good parenting coach?

A good parenting coach does not force their agenda. 

A coach in any part of life is there to guide you, point out blind spots, and hold you accountable for the goals and actions that you set for yourself. 

A parent coach should be a non-judgemental ally that keeps you looking forward in the many moments in life that become difficult. 

When investing in a parenting coach, you invest in an accountability person. A safe coach will not judge how you got into the family struggle that you are in but will learn where you want to go and teach you the tools to get there. When the parenting coach notices you veering off course, they will respectfully call you out and seek to find a solution. 

Community is an important part of the process of becoming a positive parent. I hold kind and firm boundaries inside my communities. It is a safe place to practice the tools and techniques I teach and coach. 

A client dubbed the C.L.E.A.R. and Kind Parents Community as the KINDSQUAD. It is a place where you can open your heart and bring on the truth. 

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off” - Gloria Steinem

As you bring your truth and it makes you feel horrible, a good parenting coach and community will "love bomb" you and empathize with you. 

 

Why do you call yourself a positive parenting coach?

After about ten years of teaching in early childhood education, with the help of my support network, I studied and became a certified life coach specializing in the day-to-day parent-child relationship inside the home.  

This has taken many different forms in the last eight years. Today I have an online positive parenting program, including recorded classes, group coaching calls, and more intensive private coaching. 

I am a parent-focused positive parenting coach. 

The work that I do is in direct relation to the way that I grew up. I wish that my parents had a parent coach. 

I was the strong-willed child often told I was 'too much.' Tools of restriction, shame, fear, and spanking were standard in my household. 

As a child and young adult, this made me feel discouraged, disconnected, frustrated, ungrateful, angry, and hurt. 

During my career, I further educated myself and learned about the effects of punitive punishment and its anti-compliance effects. As a result, I immediately started to understand why I was the way I was. 

My parents were unaware that I could only signal my needs through my behavior, and in turn, they felt frustrated (maybe scared) and punished me instead of supporting me.

Only now, after lots of learning, researching, therapy, a life coach, and a healer, can I acknowledge that they were doing their best. 

I am a positive parenting coach because I want to support any parent that wants to build a secure, meaningful, loving, and safe relationship with their kids. 

You are a good parent; I don't believe in bad parents. What I coach are better parenting skills. 

What do you want your relationships with your children to feel like now and ten years from now?

I was estranged from my mom some years before we reconnected, and she passed away. The ending of our relationship was not what I was expecting. 

Looking back, it's exactly how we both were playing the game. We were too focused on the RIGHT NOW and not aligned with the future. The one thing we didn't have at the end was more time. 

I wish I had realized that sooner. I was just so angry and allowed to be; I was the child. 

She was also a child who was never taught what to do with her anger. She was raised as a child who was invalidated and disempowered and, in turn, was doing her best, which fell short of what I needed. 

I wish someone had told her and supported her to "begin with the end in mind" so that she could have better aligned her actions and growth to be one of connection and love. Not hurt and revenge.

All the times I brought home a failing grade or stomped away and slammed a door don't matter now. But what could have made a difference would be to have an advocate to connect to my struggle with school and show me better ways to navigate my anger. 

I realize, only now, this can only be taught after the teacher has learned it themselves. 

No one taught her. So there was no way she could teach us. She was 100% doing the best she knew how.

 

How will a parenting coach help my family?

Families are messy, emotional, and sometimes out of control. 

For whatever reason, all those sacrifices made when they were infants are no longer currency you can cash in. 

They want what they want and want it now - and they can SCREAM to get it. And oh, how painful the crying and screaming can be. 

You just want them to be happy, right? Screaming is anti-happy. 

"Just. Give. In" says your ego. "There, a smile; phew, we're good." 

Only under that guise of happiness, a monster is being fostered. 

One more question in that whiny tone makes your blood boil, and you start yelling. 

We might call it a different name, but when grown adults yell, shout, hit, and stomp off, it is the same as when children do it. It is a tantrum. 

What might trigger one parent (being wasteful) does not bother another parent (being told no), but every person struggles with situations that feel like a threat. 

A parenting coach will help the parent find and practice tools and strategies to navigate their triggers.

I have found that even when one parent is doing the work of my program, the other parent gets curious as to why their relationship is having less extreme turbulences with the kids. 

A parenting coach will help your family as you study and implement the tools and strategies to lessen the extreme emotional ebb and flow. Then, when those discomforts happen, you have a safe environment to pull back the curtain and become curious as to why and how those emotional outbursts are happening. 



What parenting coach techniques and Modules do you use?

My positive parenting techniques follow a system I designed called C.L.E.A.R.

C - Connect

Asking: are we both calm and connected?
Results in: "I see you. I hear you."

L - Limits

Asking: is there a defined limit and boundary?
Results in: "I respect you."

E - Empowerment

Asking: What is the choice or decision made?
Results in: "You are capable of making a decision."

A - Accountability

Asking: How can I follow through?/
Results in: "Mistakes are opportunities to learn."

R - Recovery

Asking: How am I going to reconnect or repair?
Results in: "Let's repair, reconnect, and reassess."

This method works for any relationship because it is circular. In most situational breakdowns, you can point to each part of the puzzle and find which step is missing or needs improvement. 

As my clients describe a situational breakdown between themselves and their kids, we break it down into C.L.E.A.R., allowing us to go into detail on how to improve each step.

Many times connection is skipped over, and we immediately state the limit because that is what we were disciplined and it feels comfortable. However, connection can often feel awkward when you were not connected as a child.  

I live by the techniques that I teach. I work hard to re-align to C.L.E.A.R. as I become aware of misalignment with myself, my family, or clients. As a human, it is a constant battle. 

 

How much will it cost to hire you as a parent coach?

As you work through my group offerings, it will cost you $3,500. In addition, I do offer additional private coaching. 

Our brains work better when we compare numbers to something that we know; average cost in the U.S.A.:

~ 12% owning a dog lifetime

~ 15% owning a cat lifetime

~ 3.5% 4-year college

~ 20% owning a home for one year. 

There are other costs that I can not calculate, including loss of vacation time, sick time, or clocked hours, because you have been called in to pick up your child that has been misbehaving. 

Books can also cost you money and time. If the book conveys information that isn't helpful, that is time that you can not regain. As of right now, I recommend 11 books to read that are in alignment with my program (average $180).

I take my job seriously and enjoy deepening my knowledge of relationship-building inside the family. I will continue educating myself and bringing that knowledge to my clients. 

Investing in a positive parenting coach is about prevention. If we, the adults, do the work now, it significantly impacts how our kids see and navigates the world. 

As a parenting coach, I aim to support you in enjoying every stage of your child's life. 

The opposite of that is to wish that this "phase" in growth and development passes quickly. That is time with your kids that you will never get back.

 

What should I expect after hiring you as a parenting coach?

After you hire me as your parenting coach, I will guide and support you as you acquire and practice new tools learned from my online courses. 

As you work through each stage of my program and learn the techniques and language of C.L.E.A.R., you receive more specific coaching from me. 

You will learn about child development and neuroscience along with the C.L.E.A.R. method.

I have intentionally made my programs LIFETIME access, so long as I live and Be Kind Coaching is running, because I believe this work will always be there for you to pick up. 

I understand that life happens, loved ones get sick, pandemics hit, and environmental disasters occur. 

That being said, having a parent coach is not a forever obligation. I encourage my clients to set clear dates for consuming the content and taking action. This is designed to give you the tools to navigate everyday life with your kids. 

Since it is LIFETIME access, you can return the work when you need guidance through a difficult time or to sharpen your tools.

Warning, if you are using any coach as vent space, it is time to go back and go deeper into understanding the method, childhood development, and neuroscience. 

 

What Boundaries do you have with clients as their parent coach?

I hold kind and firm boundaries as a parenting coach. 

Boundaries are what keep people feeling safe. Take a moment and think of all the physical and non-physical boundaries you have right now, a room, a house, a yard, a county, city, state, country, continent, or government. The list goes on and on. 

I am a parent coach. 

Child Coach

Couples Counselor

Psychiatrist 

Therapist

Since this work is about relationships, the lines do blur once in a while. I will always refer my clients if an issue is out of my scope of practice. 

The community that I am growing is also held to kind and firm boundaries. This work is, at times, very personal. I will not tolerate anything but empathy and kindness as an individual shares and opens up about their life experiences.  

Just like building a muscle, you have to tear the muscle for it to grow back stronger. 

 

Has your positive parenting coach method been effective?

My positive parenting coaching methods have been effective, and I will continually assess and improve. 

 On my testimonial page, you will find my client's stories. 

 

A Parenting Coach is for me if…

  •  You know that the tools, time-out, spankings, lectures, bribes, treats, and restrictions do not work.

The danger with doubling down even harder with those punishments is that when they start "working," you wish they didn't work. 
When these tools start working, the relationship is in a zone of apathy or detachment.
In my own experience, that became an 8-year hiatus from my family.
They knew I was alive, but mostly I kept myself safe by not attending family functions to avoid the stress and pain.

  • You are ready for a mindset shift

As taught by James Wedmore:

Ineffective mindset: HAVE - DO - BE

If you have something, then you will do the thing to be the person

Example: I now have the perfect running shoes, so I will do the race and be a marathon runner.

"If I just wait until they're older, I'll be able to talk to them, and then we will have a close relationship."

Effective Mindset: BE - DO - HAVE

When you identify yourself with a specific trait, you act or do things that align with that trait, and finally, you get the results from your actions.

Example: I am a disciplined runner. Therefore, I prioritize training, and now I have the confidence to run a marathon.

"I am a kind parent. Therefore, I prioritize my needs and tools to be present with my child, and now our home is peaceful and can navigate stress."

  • You are ready to prioritize the work.

As I said before, as the parenting coach, I can not go to the gym for you, and your kids can't either. It is your job to set time aside to step into awareness, education, and practice.

When I work with you, I will be beside you, cheering you on inside a safe community.

  • You are coachable

Capable of being taught and trained to do something better.

  • You are ready to stop 'should-ing' on yourself.

 The way we talk to ourselves has a significant impact on our lives. 



A Parenting Coach is not for me if…

  • You want scripts for every stressful moment
  • You want to change your child
  • You think this would be perfect for your neighbor or sister.
  • You want the quick fix.

I get it. It is so easy to get lured into the 30 or 90-second video on social that if you just do or say this one thing, your life will be better. 

 

Who is your ideal client?

My dream clients are raising children ages 0-6 and facing struggles like:

- Bedtimes

- Mealtimes

- Meltdowns

- Tantrums

- Power struggles

They are parents that identify as raising strong-willed or stubborn children.  

My clients want to learn how to work with their children instead of extinguishing their fire. 

Many of my clients have already been exposed to other positive parenting spaces and felt like it was surface-level fixes that did not last. 

My methods work with any human, so I have clients with older children who still use this method as their kids grow up, and now those kids are using the techniques. 

This is why you will not hire a parenting coach.

  • You feel like you should know how to parent

A belief that parenting is instinctual.
You already took a course, and it is not getting better
You have tried everything, and it doesn't work

  • You think "that perfect parent" at school pick-up with the well-behaved child just got an easy kid.
  • If you hire a parenting coach, you are admitting you are a 'bad parent.' 

Or hiring a parenting coach is saying that you have bad kids
I believe there are no bad parents, just bad parenting tools and technics

  • You are happy and content with complaining that your kids are the problem.
  • You feel content identifying with the parents on social media that it is just another day in the life of chaos.
  • You feel like you turned out okay with a parenting style like "spare the rod, spoil the child' so what is the big deal? 
  • You think your child is in just "that stage of life" that will be over soon.

 

BONUS: Tips when you hire a parenting coach

  • Tip #1: COMMUNICATE WHO IS ON YOUR ENTIRE TEAM WITH YOUR PARENT COACH.
    • If you are working with a therapist, counselor, or other coaches, share that with your parent coach. They will want to make sure the strategies align. Working with people from different perspectives points you in different directions would be confusing.

 

  • T.I.P. #2: SET UP BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARENT COACH.
    • During that first call, it is so important that you speak openly and honestly with your parent coach. If there are topics that you want out of bounds- share those. Coaches empower clients by asking questions. Sometimes those questions might start to poke triggers you weren't even aware of. When talking with a parent coach for the first time- set up a PAUSE word for when things get too tough for you. Your parent coach will not want you to feel caught in a corner, so setting up a strong boundary will empower both parties to speak openly and clearly with each other!

 

  • T.I.P. #3: ASK FOR HELP BEFORE THINGS GET WORSE AGAIN.
    • After you work with your coach, the goal is to feel awesome as you are doing the work. It's natural to slip back into your old habits and welcome in the old ways- sometimes simply because it's easier in the short term. But when things start to get to be too much, or you have the gut feeling that it's going off course- REACH OUT AND SCHEDULE A SESSION! Investing in a tune-up is better than getting to the point where "things are back to how they were before we worked together." There are ways to prevent a total landslide and give you that respite- but you must reach out to your support network. 

 

Finding and joining a positive parenting coaching program can dramatically affect your family life if you choose to put in the time and effort to learn the methods and science behind human development. 

 

Start your positive parenting journey with Be Kind Coaching with a 5-day email series called Understanding Us

 

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