Still loving you!
Thank you to everyone who opened, read, and shared my love note last week, I was really blown away. I got so many replies and others sharing their own story of facing a bully, or feeling bullied. It was humbling to read the stories others responded back with. Hearing how they concurred their own outer or inner bully.
It's truly an experience that everyone can connect to. Either from their own childhood or as an adult. And it got me thinking- so often we think that what bullies need is more punishment, more "How could YOU do such a thing?", more isolation like time out or detention- and that is actually a sure fire way to make sure that bullies get worse.
"A misbehaving child is a discouraged child." - Rudolf Dreikurs
Just this week I got a text from a close friend and she wrote "I am so proud of my son. He tackled a school bully at school for picking on one of his friends." "Oh man..." I wrote back, "I have some thoughts on this. From the entire 360 approach." I shared with her this video "How to Make a Bully (from scratch)"
I am very passionate about this conversation. After working with the children who were kicked out of their classrooms- I know this truth. We can not punish poor behavior away, nor can we praise good behavior to stay. It's requires finding the balance of working kind and firm that makes the real change. Learning more effective tools, with support and community.
On my Instagram account this week I shared stories of finding your parenting style- which is the way you show up on a scale of demanding and nurturing. You can learn more about the 4 Main Parenting Styles by watching my YouTube video about it.
Why this is important to know- is that your style impacts your child's grades, confidence, friendships, mindset, weight, anger management, future partners, and eventually their own families. Which is why we must find the balance of being kind and firm. I share my own story of being called two-faced, but in a good way by an 8 year old.
When she realized I was really fun, but also really strict. Identifying that my style is more authoritative. It's like magic- learning how to be kind and firm. Now, this isn't just for the children. This goes for ourselves, too. When we make a mistake or our acting out in our own misbehaving way (because I definitely will admit to having my own tantrums)- it's coming from a missing skill or need.
This isn't because you're a bad parent or a bad person- just probably feeling overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated. Needing to find your own balance of being kind and firm to yourself. Punishments won't change our own behavior either- just connecting and getting the required support. Being two-faced, in a good way towards ourselves.
Cheers to having a great weekend! And I encourage you to try on being two-faced, but in a good way this weekend.
All my love, MegAnne
P.S. Still some time to buy your ticket for Tuesday's Ellwood Thompson’s Chat. I'm there, in person, every Second Tuesday from 6:30-7:30 pm. Tickets are $10 and this talk is "Thriving While Parenting the Strong-Willed"