Hey lovely friends,
It's Friday- so time for our weekly love note!
Today I wanted to share a really great article series on NPR. It is a look at how the Inuit Community parent their children. Clearly, you all have been reading it too, because I've been tagged over 20 times in the article- and even my lawyer sent me the article via Instagram DM and said "Thought of you when I read this! Thoughts?" So I took it as a sign to do a commentary on it! I typically discuss my opinions on these types of articles 1:1 but listened to the universe and did a Facebook Live on it: You can watch it by clicking HERE!
In the Facebook Live, I touch on WHY yelling will never work on a three-year-old the way you THINK it's working. I talk about the three brain questions, and why yelling TRIGGERS the fight/flight/freeze response and also share my thoughts on why stories are the BEST way to learn. Go watch and reply back with your own takeaways- I'm curious.
What I found in the article series so interesting is the blunt talk about how it is childish for adults to yell at their children. BAM! I am 100% in alignment with that belief. I fully believe that yelling never works as a way to curb the behaviors you see- but rather it triggers the safety response in our brains. Literally cutting off the rational thinking- for both sides.
The article shares:
"Traditionally, the Inuit saw yelling at a small child as demeaning. It's as if the adult is having a tantrum; it's basically stooping to the level of the child, Briggs documented.
Elders I spoke with say intense colonization over the past century is damaging these traditions. And, so, the community is working hard to keep the parenting approach intact.
Goota Jaw is at the front line of this effort. She teaches the parenting class at the Arctic College. Her own parenting style is so gentle that she doesn't even believe in giving a child a timeout for misbehaving.
"Shouting, 'Think about what you just did. Go to your room!' " Jaw says. "I disagree with that. That's not how we teach our children. Instead, you are just teaching children to run away."
And you are teaching them to be angry, says clinical psychologist and author Laura Markham. "When we yell at a child — or even threaten with something like 'I'm starting to get angry,' we're training the child to yell," says Markham. "We're training them to yell when they get upset and that yelling solves problems."
In contrast, parents who control their own anger are helping their children learn to do the same, Markham says. "Kids learn emotional regulation from us."
I asked Markham if the Inuit's no-yelling policy might be their first secret of raising cool-headed kids. "Absolutely," she says."
I am ALL FOR this conversation! In order for our children to have the space to be children- it requires the adults to focus on, improve and strengthen their own emotional intelligence! And that is 100% what I am all about.
All month long I've been running a FREE MINI-COURSE called "Solving the Mystery of Your Child's Misbehavior" And there have been over 156 amazing parents participating and learning more about how our emotions are the drivers of our behavior. All month long they have been sharing their own wins and sharing how IMPACTFUL this work has been in their own lives!
It has been filling my soul up. Helping parents learn that there is more going on under the surface of their children's misbehavior and learning HOW to decode what's really going on.
All behavior is communication- and misbehavior is communicating an unmet need or missing skill. My superpower is helping parents learn how to meet those needs, teach the skills, and live in harmony with each other!
In closing, I want to invite you to come to join the free mini-course! It will lead right into my doors opening for "How to Build Your Kind Family" April 1st! An online positive parenting group coaching program that helps you drink hot coffee, stop yelling, and like your kid again. For real. This shit works.
Starting on April 1st, this will be the only way to work with me. I will be limiting my 1:1 coaching to only members of this course. So if you've been on the fence and looking for 1:1 support- the time to act is NOW!
You can book a call HERE!
Okay, and with that- I hope you all have a fabulous weekend! Something I ask challenger to do this weekend is looking for a moment to give your child a compliment- unannounced. Fill up the love take with simple compliments like "You worked really hard to tie your shoes.", or "I saw you share with your brother, great work! That's not easy to do!"
P.S. If you go check out How to Build Your Kind Family and you want in, click GET IN NOW! Make sure you secure your space and let's get to work! Course launched April 11.