Begin with the end in mind.
What does that mean to you? Let me know in the comments.
I’ve been listening to Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. Fabulous book. I’ve been listening, and re-listening to it over and over again, digesting everything in. I will be purchasing this book in hard copy, like ASAP. I imagine I’ll listen and read it together, so I can fully digest everything.
(Something that I’m learning is that sometimes I have a difficult time digesting the information when I’m reading it. This is a recent finding - so I’ll write more on that later.)
Back to the main point of this blog: Habit #2.
As I said earlier, I’ve been slowly digesting this book to fully understand it. And since that is my method, I tend to have ideas spring up at the most random times.
Like recently, when I was driving, I became super stressed out at the slow driver with North Carolina plates in front of me. And then I remembered to work from my center of influence - which was the car and me. I needed to calm down, and I took action to calm myself down. I shut off my radio and took some deep breaths. Telling myself, “He’s from out of town and lost. You’ve been there, too. Remember that time in Asheville?” It helped.
So just now, another lightening bolt of clarity hit me. And I must share it with you now.
If you are a parent, please refocus yourself to the end. I know, drab right? But hang with me a bit. I want you to think about the end, whatever that is - what do you want it to look and, more importantly, FEEL like?
The ending of my Mother’s and my relationship was truly not what I was expecting, but if I look back, it’s exactly how we both were playing the game. We were too focused on the RIGHT NOW and not aligned in the future. The one thing we didn’t have at the end was more time. Because time’s a stupid finite resource.
** pause to collect myself, because I’m getting that choked up feeling in my throat **
I wish I had realized that sooner.
I was just so angry, and I was allowed to be; I was the child. But she was also a child who was never taught what to do with her anger. She was raised as a child who was invalidated and dis-empowered and in turn was doing her best, which fell short of what I needed. I wish someone had told her “begin with the end in mind” so that she could have better aligned her actions and growth to be one of connection and love. Not hurt and revenge.
You know what doesn’t matter anymore - the times I brought home a failing grade or stomped away and slammed a door. But what could have made a difference was having an advocate to connect to my struggle of math and show me better ways to channel through my anger. I realize, only now, this can only be taught after the teacher has learned it themselves. Which is what makes my throat get all caught up again.
Because no one taught her. So there was no way she could teach us. She was 100% doing the best she knew how.
Dear parents of newborn babies,
Please spend a moment thinking about what you want for the future. What skills you are hopeful for, what qualities you want to nurture, what kind of person you want your child to be. Because that will be the list that you will need to become first. We can only teach from what we have learned and mastered.
XO, Love, MegAnne
There will come frustrating moments - moments where these skills will be tested - and that’s when this list will come in to play. Refocus on “What am I investing in? What do I want to see?” And that list will help you guide through the moment.
Because when we fail to align our actions with what we want to see, often times the trajectory of our actions is truly devastating in the end. Not at all what you imagined the destination of your parenting journey would be.
I am confident that if my Mom knew that on her final days she would be unresponsive in a hospital room, partially estranged from 3 of her 5 children, she would have taken a different action.
I just wish she had begun with the end in mind.
But we only can teach from what we know, and I can fully say my Mom did the best she knew how. I just wish she had someone like me to talk to and help her learn a different way. This is exactly why I show up in my business each and every day.