How to Ask for Help
When I started this blog, I was very public that writing is very challenging for me. I believe there was a whole post (HERE) about how much I dislike writing. It was a feeling of being vulnerable that was difficult for me. The fear of messing up, not being perfect, the feeling of being judged that made it quite difficult for me to show up regularly. And the truth is that after a time, I stopped showing up at all. While working with my coach about this challenge, she asked me a powerful question "Do you think it is time for help?"
Well the answer was "yes!" and this past November, I've finally asked for help! It has been life changing! I have hired an assistant named Sabrina and she is amazing. Along with my coach, Sabrina helps provide perspective and help to unstick myself from the potholes I get into. We meet once a week and just in natural conversation she finds out what I want to share with the universe and then helps it become a reality! It's like magic. I actually have her saved as "Sabrina Magic Maker". Here is a taste of what she provides me:
[insert anecdote about time that it was difficult for you to ask for help].
(I hope she finds humor in the story that I chose to highlight.)
Everyone can identify with the inner conflict of knowing when to ask for help. For some people, the conflict is quick and painless, and assistance is quickly on the way. For others of us, asking for help is quite the challenge, and we are forced to examine some of our innate beliefs regarding what we need help on. There are many ways to ask for help, but I wanted to highlight some of the thoughts that my clients have shared with me that have helped nudge them in the direction of asking for help from a coach, like me!
“My children are older, is it too late to start?”
The good news is, it’s never too late to start the conversation with your spouse or loved one about how to address challenges within your family. Furthermore, it’s never too late to start conversing with a professional about what you can do as a family to make things a little easier on yourself. Some people think that Parent Coaches only work with parents of infants or toddlers, but this couldn’t be further from the truth! I’ve worked with parents whose children are 25. Because coaching is all about reframing the way we look at behaviors, a parent coach can help you to address the specific issues and conflicts that arise in your family unit. Whether those issues surround how to manage tantrums, or how to create an environment of mutual decision-making, a parent coach can help.
“I know what to do, but it's not working.”
While I think being prepared is a fantastic approach, the truth is, there are thousands of resources out there on any given parenting topic. It can be overwhelming to even consider the different approaches to any issue. Or, maybe you’ve read tons and tons of resources, watched loads of videos, and still feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. It’s great to be prepared, but I want you to be prepared in your own way, the way that’s going to work for you and your family. Working one-on-one with a professional can help alleviate the anxiety surrounding how to get started, or how to start over, in a collaborative way.
“This worked for another family I know, will it work for me?”
The wise Amy Poehler once said, “Good for her, not for me”. I love applying this mindset to the work I do, simply because there isn’t a universal model for parenting. Learning new tips and tricks from family and friends can be very beneficial, but more often than not, it can lead to comparisons rather than useful feedback. When you work with someone individually, you can accomplish goals that are important to you and your family, rather than other people’s goals. Realistically, some strategies may work, and some may not, but having a space to ask those tough questions without judgment can be groundbreaking in your interactions with your child!
Asking for help can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to your child. If you’re reading this, it may be time for you to ask for help from a professional, like myself. All it takes is understanding that asking for help doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing or that there is a problem, it just means understanding that everyone needs a bit of support sometimes and that the support you need is closer than you think!
Cheers to asking for help in the New Year and not feeling bad about it anymore!